Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
