First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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