Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
