It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize