just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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