Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
