We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
