Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
