Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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