you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
