He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
