I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
