if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
