i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
