i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
