and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Randomize
