like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
