i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
