I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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