This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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