She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
