Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
