You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize