we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
