we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
