I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
