I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize