I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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