it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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