People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
