And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
