I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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