how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
