Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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