i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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