i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dick very happy bro
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize