I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
