I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
