Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
