remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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