I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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