I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
