it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
