my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
