i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
