maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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