He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
