i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
