Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
