So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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