thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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