You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
