Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
