I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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