apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
