it hurts more in the daytime
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
