I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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