I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
