my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize