Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
