I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Houston, we have a squirter
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
