I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
