i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
