you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
