I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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