I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
