So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
