I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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