Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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