I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
