I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Mom said you looked used
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Randomize