I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
