Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
