i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
