I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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