ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
