she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
