Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You ate ashes out of my bong
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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