you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
