Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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