Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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