Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
