i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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