Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Did you just see the Batmobile???
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
