Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
