I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
