i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sorry about my life...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
