I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Your cock deserves a montage
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize