There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
