So drunk its hurt
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
