I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
