I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
