o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
