Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
