Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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