I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
