Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you had me at cake vodka
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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