We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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