Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize