There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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