For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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