i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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