I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
