Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize