no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
