every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
