i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
