i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
