He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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