BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
