How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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