Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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