singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize